My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
