Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't deserve a penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
