We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You left your phone here
Wait...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
