Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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