i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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