mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
