I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
