i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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