i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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