lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
