We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
