I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
