What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
