There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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