Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
