He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
