I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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