I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
