I can text with my tongue
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
