Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
