I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
