and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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