I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
