hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
