All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
