I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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