Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
