How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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