boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
