Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
