I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
