i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
