see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
