he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
