Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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