Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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