You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize