____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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