Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
