ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
