Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
