That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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