In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.