Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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  (202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9
  Replies (29) Good night (1139) Bad night (1522)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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  (503): Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck. http://tfl.nu/nubl
  Replies (11) Good night (729) Bad night (1442)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess

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  (603): i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess http://tfl.nu/ousq
  Replies (24) Good night (950) Bad night (2697)
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  (818): View more from California

  dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?

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  (818): dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone? http://tfl.nu/1prq
  Replies (10) Good night (661) Bad night (3655)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.

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  (604): What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners. http://tfl.nu/ayy8
  Replies (58) Good night (789) Bad night (3847)
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  (626): View more from California

  He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

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  (626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w
  Replies (62) Good night (1276) Bad night (7668)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.

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  (201): they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne. http://tfl.nu/0coi
  Replies (22) Good night (4231) Bad night (2224)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.

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  (917): had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary. http://tfl.nu/06cp
  Replies (6) Good night (3883) Bad night (901)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?

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  (612): Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong? http://tfl.nu/gz8r
  Replies (44) Good night (1620) Bad night (4832)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  no more duck duck goose at the bar

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  (484): no more duck duck goose at the bar http://tfl.nu/05y7
  Replies (6) Good night (2404) Bad night (901)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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  (716): Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan. http://tfl.nu/rfh9
  Replies (4) Good night (1896) Bad night (777)
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  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

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  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1443) Bad night (5430)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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  (541): Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears. http://tfl.nu/9wf5
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (290)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk

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  (412): You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk http://tfl.nu/zmxc
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.

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  (306): He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/1jgc
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (275)

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