Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.