Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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