Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

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  (516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux
  Replies (86) Good night (1193) Bad night (2617)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.

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  (918): I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater. http://tfl.nu/r4ec
  Replies (9) Good night (4440) Bad night (664)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

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  (636): Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gyoc
  Replies (10) Good night (4441) Bad night (480)
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  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

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  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (803) Bad night (4826)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."

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  (480): So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..." http://tfl.nu/pg8j
  Replies (15) Good night (6336) Bad night (1042)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i think that dennys waitress has my boxers

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  (716): i think that dennys waitress has my boxers http://tfl.nu/oyrc
  Replies (15) Good night (3413) Bad night (888)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i robbed the continental breakfast last night

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  (208): i robbed the continental breakfast last night http://tfl.nu/xq3y
  Replies (8) Good night (2762) Bad night (738)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.

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  (719): Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ctww
  Replies (3) Good night (1249) Bad night (1680)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us

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  (416): no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us http://tfl.nu/s0m4
  Replies (8) Good night (2078) Bad night (462)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.

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  (508): He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare. http://tfl.nu/rbhx
  Replies (3) Good night (1156) Bad night (513)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW

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  (734): my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW http://tfl.nu/rle5
  Replies (4) Good night (844) Bad night (385)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween

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  (763): I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween http://tfl.nu/seas
  Replies (3) Good night (790) Bad night (296)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.

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  (570): I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies. http://tfl.nu/z52h
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (254)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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  (859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (270)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time

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  (803): If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time http://tfl.nu/10i6
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (257)

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