oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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