party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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