I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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