My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
