you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
