After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
