I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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