lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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