Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
