It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
