how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
