something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
