he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
