....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
