it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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