I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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