the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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