party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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