trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
