we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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