HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
