yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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