I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate all girls vehemently.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
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According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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