I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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