He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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