Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
