Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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