Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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