She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
